Retire Me

$0

The board is quiet. Friend #1 is still cheap.

retireme.lol

Please give me money.

There isn't an emergency.
I'm healthy. Everything is fine.
I simply don't want to work forever.

I had a horrible realization. I don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life. Apparently the traditional solution is to work until I'm 65. I have decided against that.

There are roughly 8 billion people on Earth. If just 1,000,000 of you buy a $1 Friend spot, I think we can solve this together.

My plan is embarrassingly simple. I believe in the internet.

Toward never working again

$0 / $1,000,000

Zero strangers so far. Friend #1 is unclaimed.

  1. Miserable
  2. Slightly less miserable
  3. Hope detected
  4. Mentally already retired
  5. Work ethic deteriorating
  6. LinkedIn deleted
  7. Free

The traditional solution is to sit here until 65.

65YEARS

Buy a Friend spot

Retire me.

Help from $1. The $5 button is how you become an actual friend. Custom is how this gets out of hand.

Best friend for sale

nobody

The throne is empty. Historically this is a once-in-a-site opportunity.

  • $1 — Acquaintance

    You technically helped.

  • $5 — Friend

    I would wave at you in public.

  • $25 — Good Friend

    I would help you move. Maybe.

  • $100 — Close Friend

    You're invited to the retirement party.

  • $500 — Bestie

    I will tell people we go way back.

  • $1,000+ — Family

    Welcome. Christmas is complicated.

Best friends

Friendship, ranked.

The throne is empty. First paid spot becomes objectively my best friend.

The wall

Permanent tiles. Public regret optional.

Nobody has retired me yet. Friend #1 is still available. Historically this is the cheapest moment to become legendary.